50Micron.com

I just got the following job posting and it made me, literally, laugh out loud, spitting latte all over my laptop.

If your sales rep allows you to do something like this, it’s a fair bet that s/he hates you (or is planning to buy your company out of bankruptcy later).

“WANTED: VMWare 1-month resident to assist with new deployment/planning around 200VM’s and new Celerra NS480′s being purchased by client. Will probably end up primarily being VM’s using NFS on NS Celerra Replication will be enabled between (2) NS480′s.”

The key points are:

200VM’s

Celerra

**NFS**

Replicator

Ewww…..

Did I mention NFS?

Someone actually sold this?  Even if the customer comes to you direct and says “this is what I want…” the answer should be “In the interests of protecting you from yourself, I can’t allow you to do this.”

I don’t care how much the deal is worth.

I recently put a very terse email together to a recruiter.  These people have been sending me 3-5 emails PER WEEK on a position that is almost completely foreign to “Data Storage”  (Well, it does involve data…but that’s it about as close as it gets.)

Recruiting is another place where supposedly technical work is going to the lowest bidder, and judging by the accents I’m hearing, usually overseas.  This drives me nuts.  Not just because American companies continue to ship jobs overseas despite the fact that our own unemployment numbers are ready to surpass 9% (Source: Bureau of Labor Statistics)

The other reason I hate it is that it’s obvious (see below) that the comprehension level of these people is around the 3rd grade.

Recruiting used to be an art form.  Now it’s usually just some idiot saying “you want fries with that?”

And to people who outsource their recruiting let me tell you something.  If you can’t afford a real recruiter, you probably can’t afford a real staff either.  And if you would rather screw your country than pay someone what they’re worth, I really don’t want to work for you.

————————–My Response:

To whom it may concern:

I usually don’t like to remove myself from job lists, but you’ve been (incorrectly) identifying me for this positions for months upon months now.

Please make the madness stop. I am not a “data modeler” by any stretch of the imagination and by continuing to attempt to recruit me for this position proves that you actually have no idea what a “data modeler” actually is.

Data modeling is a way to structure and organize data so it can be used easily by databases. If you’ll check the information that you’ve got somewhere in your data banks on me, you’ll find that “Structure” and “Organize” have nothing to do with my field. (“Databases” only relates to my field on the periphery, in that it all has to be stored somewhere.)

Thank you for your PROMPT consideration.

/JG

———————-Original Email

Dear Jesse,

If you have the experience required for the following job order, please forward your latest resume to kaden@catstaffing-us.com Or Call me at 201 255 0319 x 177., along with responding to the following questions:

What is your hourly rate?
Where do you currently reside (city, state)?
Would you be willing to relocate?
Are you a registered http://www.logtalent.com User? ( It is FREE, It will help us to track your availability and resume for future job openings )
What is your availability to start a new project?
Are you authorized to work in the United States?
If you are not a US citizen, do you have the legal right to remain permanently in the US ? If not, what is your visa status?
Do you have a personal website URL? Your own blog or personal website. ?

PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE JOB DESCRIPTION DETAILS AS PROVIDED BELOW. THIS IS AN IMMEDIATE OPENING:

Job Title: Data Architect
Job Location:
Job Type: Contract
JobDetail Description:

Job Title: Data Architect Location: Worcester, MA Length: 6+ months Skills: Data Architect , XML Description: Position Available for Data Architect in Worcester area, MA Summary The Data Architect will responsible for the design and architecture for the enterprise data solutions implemented in projects.
The data architect must be involved in the early stages of projects and produce data-related design deliverables that will enable project teams to build/modify systems in keeping with the overall data architecture strategy.
The Data Architect will need a demonstrated ability to produce conceptual, logical, and physical data models.
Responsibilities Assist project teams regarding data mapping and data modeling as well as facilitation of information gathering sessions, provide data analysis services and document them as required; Develop, implement and maintain processes for logical to physical data model creation.
Processes will provide data integrity, quality, reliability, availability, and reuse; Ensure adherence to company data architectural guidelines, principles and standards in all project milestones and deliverables; Define and implement data strategies as part of the project life cycle; Research, evaluate and recommend new technologies and techniques to more effectively monitor and manage data asset; Design messaging models and schemas for SOA such as XML; Perform dimensional modeling for data warehousing; Demonstrate responsibility and accountability for the deliverables; Other responsibilities as required.
What are the must haves of this position? Solid leadership and influencing skills which balance creative yet practical solutions for the businesses without compromising corporate data strategies and standards; demonstrate respect and a positive attitude, while projecting a sense of calm and control under pressure situations; Strong verbal and written communication skills which can clearly articulate complex concepts and ideas to all levels of the organization in both technical and non-technical terms; Extensive knowledge of data mapping and data modeling processes; Understanding of data architecture as it relates to operational and analytical information, i.
e.
platforms, reference data, DBMS, data integration; Analytical skills which effectively deal with conceptual and tangible ideas along with attention to detail; Working knowledge of the IT development process and life cycle, i.
e.
roles/responsibilities, tasks, milestones, deliverables; Team oriented with ability to work effectively with many different people across many diverse organizations; Ability to work on multiple, concurrent projects in a dynamic environment assignment-based organization and manage time appropriately; Management skills, with the ability to plan, organize and orchestrate activities such as JAD and review sessions; ability to identify and manage risks and issues, including appropriate escalation when needed; Need to be a self-starter, passionate for data and able to work independently with minimal supervision; Requirements: Bachelors Degree and 3 – 5 Years of Experience in data related fields; Experience with enterprise-level DBMS systems and tools e.g. Oracle, DB2, SQL Server Experience with Erwin, XML Spy is a plus; Experience with ACORD is a plus.

A pretty lousy one actually.

So my wife and I went to see the new Star Trek movie last night, as a part of the whole Mother’s Day weekend extravaganza that you have when you’re trying to honor a woman who can manage to hold our kids in some semblence of order.  (Did I mention that she keeps me in line pretty well too? – Bygones)

So this was great for multiple reasons.

First, the last movie we saw in theaters was “The DaVinci Code” (Great movie but pedantic compared to the book) so an outing without the kids is kind of a rarity for us.

Second, we are both AVID Die-Hard Trekkies…  (She even went in her “Starfleet Acadamy Alumni” sweatshirt – which made her stand out here in Redneckville, Virginia as the *ONLY* one who dressed up for it)

I wanted to start a thread on the new movie and get opinions.  I think this movie did a wonderful job of pushing Trek into the 21st Century, as well as opening the door and hopefully encouraging a whole new series of TV and Theater productions.

In discussing the show, I would ask that you preface your comments with “SPOILER:” if you are going to give away anything pertinent to the plot, the plot was such a brain twister that I’m not really willing to give any of it away myself, but it’s hard to keep that a secret while discussing WHY this movie sort of changes things…

Oh – and one thing i can say without giving too much away.

The actor they got to play Kirk was good.  Got the whole attitude thing down to a T.

The actor they got to play Spock was better.  Looks, mannerisms, all right on mark.

But the guy who played Bones, in my opinion, stole the bloody movie.  He nailed it *SO* well that I really thought a few times I was looking at a much younger DeForest Kelly.

Anyway, like I said, a little diversion, because Dammit Jim this is a storage site not IMDB.com…